It should not come as a surprise that relationships flourish when the needs of both partners are met equally. A problem arises when couples attempt to meet their significant others in the middle but fall short of their mark because well-intentioned efforts go unnoticed. If you and your partner have not taken Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages quiz, you may think you are showing your love for you S.O. in all the rights ways only to find they are left unfulfilled because your attempts, while appreciated, aren’t saying “I love you” in juuust the right way.
For someone who prefers love to be communicated through Quality Time, snagging their favorite gum at the checkout line or taking out the trash isn’t a direct route to their heartstrings. What is, you ask? Giving them your undivided attention is what they need most to feel loved and secure in your relationship. Here are a couple of suggestions to make sure your time and efforts are on the right track.
Four Helpful Hints to Winning Over Your Quality Time Lover
1. Hold their eyes while you are talking.
I’m not talking about the cartoons when goofy hearts bubble up from the characters’ fluttering eyes. Quality Time lovers appreciate when you keep eye contact with them. It shows you are paying attention.
2. Resist the urge to interrupt them when they are speaking.
Often we do not realize that when we interrupt someone mid-sentence the other person may perceive it as us saying, “my thoughts are more important than yours”. Ouch.
3. Ask thoughtful questions.
If your partner is not feeling well, ask about their physical and emotional pain. Maybe they are missing an important meeting or a long-anticipated party because of an illness. As terrible as they physically feel, they may also be a little blue. Give them the opportunity to talk it out.
4. Make your time together count.
Your quality time lover is not looking for you to spend gobs of time together out of obligation or simple proximity, they want your time together to be intentional and meaningful. Schedule regular date nights. If going out to try a new restaurant every week isn’t in the cards, plan to sip wine or whiskey by a cozy fire to talk about your day instead.
The good news about being partnered up with a quality time person is that all they really want is you. They want your focused attention to talk about things that matter to the two of you. They value snuggling under a blanket watching a favorite movie or playing board games, or mapping out a garden, or going on a hike. They want a distraction-free time to share your lives together.
As you are checking in with your partner on their physical, mental, and emotional well being, it is a good idea to take your own self-assessment. Your significant other is meant to be your safe place where you can let your guard down. As the two of you are thoughtfully engaged in conversation, make it a point to intentionally listen to your own body to see what you may need. It is incredibly hard to pour out love for others when your own wellspring is neglected. Remember to care for yourself and nourish your needs or ask your S.O. to help you.
For more ideas on how to win over your quality time lover, contact us!